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Nostalgia Critic's Phantom of the Opera Review - Original Soundtrack

by Nostalgia Critic / Shark Jumping

/
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1.
Overture 00:09
2.
I Can Sing 01:21
I can sing I can sing so well Hear how great I am It’s kind of weak But you’re supposed To be my biggest fan Stare in awe As I do somewhat well And then heap on me tons of praise For barely doing better Than a high school play I can't believe You're actually digging This with such rapt intensity This is autotuned and meek like Milli Vanilli
3.
Angel of stupid Why do you make me Sing like Emmy Rossum She is so-so Merely sounds better By comparison Insolent boy! This whiny Critic What the fuck is your problem? Gerard never sang before this damn movie And I think he sounds awesome This is the fault with these movies Giving non-singers the spotlight It’s better to have no celebrity They’d at least sound right Angel of stupid This isn’t working Nothing will make us like it You are totally insane- Angel of stupid Won’t you admit it Schumacher made a bad flick I am no Angel of Stupid I am pure sexy and coolness
4.
In dreams I heard the tale Of fantasy A fan of Schumacher’s Phantom movie Though in reality We know it bites The Fandumb of the Opera don’t see This movie’s trite Sing praises and admit This movie’s great Gerard Butler is a Musical saint Though Phantom fans believe This movie’s shite The Fandumb of the Opera is there To make things right Though parts might be okay This film’s a mess Along with Butler’s strange Dueling accents That’s great/strange to focus on Give it a try / Don’t want to try The Fandumb of the Opera is Totally awesome and sexy and dark and cool and great and did I mention sexy? Now sing real high He’s weird, the Fandumb of the Opera
5.
So soft So smooth This is sweet seduction I’m so great at Pushing all your buttons Let me blow your mind With these melodies so fine I’m a sexy prince with all these cool-ass lines Take pleasure in the screeching of my pride
6.
Texts 02:54
(coming soon)
7.
Hyper Fan Girl Fan fiction of the strange The charts don’t lie But don’t ask why They’re just that way Aren’t you excited at All the cosplay Think of all ways We tolerate you Hyper Fan Girl There’s nowhere else to go Cause I mean please Who has a need for a weirdo But if you stay here You’ll be loved all your days Be Hyper Fan Girl always! Hyper Fan Girl Yes, I will win his heart It’s destiny / Think of the fans Critic and me From the start / We’ll just ship Boner and Lovembrace I’m so excited To/You’ll star in his play I’m/Be Hyper Fan Girl Always!
8.
I have barely known you For most of the running time And yet, I guess that’s enough To go from strange to true love But I’m not sure why I like you You’re bland and super white But still, we were friends as babies Is that enough Well maybe So say I’ll never ever leave No never Seriously, I am now attached to you Even with that crazy stalker Fandumb You’ll probably die Well yes I guess that’s true Love me The movie says I do
9.
Metaphor 00:50
Metaphor This whole song is only for Metaphors Don’t you see Cause the Phantom wears a mask too Metaphor You’ve heard all this junk before Metaphor, it’s cliched But we’re acting like it’s brand new Here’s a mask, there’s a mask There are oh so many masks We can bask in the task Of deciphering all these masks There’s a mask That looks like a bourbon cask And a mask like a flea There’s a mask that is green And a mask for Halloween There’s a mask that fits most And a Casper-friendly ghost Finally There’s a mask without a face It’s the right mask for me
10.
You were once my favorite critic You made movies better And you were a classic novel Then came Andrew Lloyd Webber Wishing that this shit never happened Wishing we could just retreat To times before Over-bloated scores And fairy tale endings Wishing we could watch movies once again Like the Princess Diaries 2 There on the couch Laughing out loud Without kidnapping you The Phantom was a tragic figure Not some emo canary If only we could go back in time To Christmas so Merry It’s not enough I won’t give up Til I can press rewind Wishing that this shit never happened Then it could be him and me I’ll use coercion Where is the Persian? And ambiguity? No more pretending Won’t let Webber slide No more fun and games I will make him mine Help me press rewind Help me press rewind
11.
(coming soon)
12.
Whatever happened to the nostalgia kick With decades-old humor The same old shtick Will it have laugh tracks So many woos Every time an actor Comes into the room But we’ll make it modern With lots of sex jokes And don’t forget Trump He’s funny, you know Here’s the Same shit Different chromosomes Fuller House has come home That is Shark Jumping When it jumps the shark, jumps the shark By merely existing That is Shark Jumping It all comes apart, comes apart By making it a thing That is Shark Jumping When you use nostalgia as an excuse Without adding anything new That is Shark Jumping That is Shark Jumping, baby I'll tell you about it sometime

about

This is the original soundtrack for the Nostalgia Critic/Shark Jumping review of 2004's "Phantom of the Opera," which debuted March 15, 2016.

credits

released March 15, 2016

Musical Director: Barney Walker
Recording Engineer: Barney Walker
Lyrics: Beth Elderkin, Rob Walker, Doug Walker & Barney Walker
Orchestrations: Matt Sampson & Barney Walker
Melodies: Barney Walker
Vocalists: Beth Elderkin, Doug Walker, Tamara Chambers, Rob Walker, Malcolm Ray, Barney Walker & Matt Fagerholm

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